Unexpected Gay Love
by GirlEnigma
Summary: *DISCONTINUED* Harry is gay and making out with Hagrid, Draco is pushed into drug rehab even though he's completely clean, Hermione is trying to get someone to date her, Luna is prancing around in a radish costume and Ron is just walking around.


**Disclaimer: Yeah, you've heard it all before, JK owns HP, not me.**

#Draco#

I sat calmly, rubbing my hands together, as the Golden Trio walked into the library. They were fashionably late, as I assumed they would be.

"Good afternoon Malfoy," Ron said, as civilly as one could through clenched teeth.

"It was a good afternoon Weasel," I replied, "That is, until I got detention with all 3 of you."

"We were spelled to be nice to each other today," Granger said, also through clenched teeth.

"Yes," I sighed, feeling miserably depressed, "I know. I was spelled not to insult you."

"This is going to be weird," Potter said, scratching his head.

"Let's just get it over with," I said, standing up.

They all stood up wordlessly and walked towards Hagrid's hut. They had been sentenced to death by helping the ugly giant. My lip curled. I absolutely did not like that man. One, because he seemed to have no value of personal hygiene, and, two, because he favored Potter so much he practically wet himself when he saw him. It made me completely and utterly sick.

"'Arry!" Hagrid smiled happily, patting Potter on the back as they had neared him, "I 'eard you were tuh be servin' your detention wid me."

"That's right," Ron said, looking equally miserable. I had almost forgotten that Ron seemed to be as terrified of the forest as I was.

"Well, I figures we'll just clean up the Squealing 'Aggots and then feed the Piddles," Hagrid said, leading us over to our cleaning equipment.

We pulled on some gloves and grabbed a bucket of suds and a scrubber brush. Hagrid then led us over to the deafening 'Squealing Haggots.'

"Oh Merlin!" Granger winced, covering her ears and screwing her eyes shut, "They're so loud!"

"Well I imagine that's why they're called 'Squealing' Haggots," Harry chuckled.

I glared at Potter. What a git.

Each of them started cleaning their respective Haggot. Haggots were small, rug looking things, with thick fur, little probing eyes and large gaping mouths. They didn't seem to mind getting scrubbed, as they were not trying to eat any of them with their large mouths. But they screeched unmercifully through the entire ordeal. After we had left their kennel, the Haggots got stranglely quiet.

After that Hagrid had us feed these big, drooling fish looking things with legs. They didn't have gills or anything but they looked like fish with long scaly legs and big, fat camel feet. I had to put my hand all the way up to the thing's mouth to get it to eat anything. Granger looked like she had to sing softly to get hers to eat. Potter wasn't even trying, Hagrid was helping him. And Weasel was gaping at his. I swore I could see a wet spot on Weasel's trousers. Poor Weasel must have wet himself. (He's so pathetic!)

"Good thing this whole mess is over," I sighed, walking over to Hagrid's hut.

"Yeah," Granger replied, looking a little worn out, "I'm ready to have some tea and biscuits."

"He'll give us some?" I inquired, salivating. (Oh, how I craved some tea and biscuits right now!)

"I wouldn't see why not," Granger replied, "Harry's already in there."

Granger had just opened the door and I had seen enough to stop dead in my tracks. There was no way in England that I wanted tea and biscuits now. Especially not from that hairy oaf. I felt like I wouldn't be able to properly keep anything down for months, maybe even years. Granger looked like she felt about the same, the way her face was turning green.

"Merlin!" Granger and I had screamed at the same time.

They had just walked straight into a make out session between Hagrid and HARRY!

GROSS! And Harry was sitting on Hagrid's LAP too! Like a little whore or something! The humanity! And since when was Harry gay? Had he and Hagrid gone further than kissing? EW! OH MERLIN don't go there!

Granger passed out just as I slammed the door shut again. I caught her and ran over to Weasel. He just stood there, still looking stupidly at his Piddle.

"Weasel!" I yelled hysterically, "Run! Run for your sexual lifestyle!"

"What?" he said, now looking at me stupidly.

"HURRY," I insisted, pushing him along.

We ran until I burst into Madam Pomfrey's office and laid Granger down on a bed.

"PLEASE," I begged, getting down on my knees, "Erase my memory!"

"What?" Pomfrey asked, looking at me quizzically, "Oh."

She patted my head knowledgably and stood me up. She gave me a piece of chocolate and sat me down on a bed beside Grangers.

"Draco, dear," Pomfrey said very carefully, "If you're on some sort of dark drug or hallucinagin, it's okay to tell me. I'm sure your father likes cocaine. He got detention for a week's straight for getting caught with it while he was attending school here too."

"What the…" Draco said. WHAT THE HELL! Pomfrey thinks I'm on DRUGS? What sort of crackpot does she think I am?

"It's okay hunny," Pomfrey said soothingly, patting my head, "I'll go get the headmaster."

I angrily took a big bite of chocolate and felt myself get faint. Everything went dark before I even realized that Pomfrey had charmed my piece of chocolate!

**A/N: Yeah I know it's kind of a weird plot. But weird is usually good. Review!**


End file.
